My mom can tell you exactly where she was when she heard the news of the terrorist attacks in New York City on September 11th, 2001. She can recall what she was doing and who she was with. One of my dad’s earliest memories is sitting on the floor watching JFK’s funeral on television. And, oddly enough, I can tell you exactly where I was when I learned that Tom Petty had died- the auditorium in Coover Hall at Iowa State, not paying attention in my freshman orientation class. It was only recently that I learned instances such as these have a name, “flashbulb memories”. (So, if you take nothing else from this blog, at least you have a new fun fact to share with your friends.)
There are a few flashbulb memories from 2020 that I will carry with me. Likely the strongest of those is from mid-March. I was still in college and many schools, including mine, had already announced that classes would be online for two weeks following spring break due to a new and rapidly spreading strain of the SARS virus. On this peaceful March afternoon (I think it was a Wednesday), I set up camp at the table in Burgies (my most favorite coffee shop of all time) I had unofficially claimed as my own, sipping on an iced miel latte with skim milk and building out a study guide for my sheep science exam. After many, many hours of studying (that’s sarcasm, by the way) I decided I deserved a break and I rewarded myself with a few minutes of mindless scrolling on Facebook.
“University of Northern Iowa Announces Transition to Virtual Learning for the Remainder of the Semester”
That was the headline on the first news story in my feed and I will never forget exactly where I was when I read it. It was so bizarre and completely, please don’t throw rocks at me for using this word… unprecedented. I can only remember having two days where the campus was shut down for inclement weather during my entire college career, so hearing of a neighboring campus making the move to online for the remainder of the semester was nearly impossible to imagine.
As we know now, it was not long before Iowa State and nearly all post-secondary institutions followed suit and moved every class from Anthropology to Zoology to Zoom. Then, K-12 education did the same and soon enough nearly all of us were working from our couches or knew someone who was. Those first two weeks of learning words like “social distancing” and “shelter in place” quickly snowballed into an entire year of change and discomfort for us all.
Since March, the 2020 snowball has been like when a cartoon character falls down a snowy mountain- gaining speed and zooming down the hill out of control, while we’re simply swept up and rolled along for the ride. In a lot of ways, it’s felt as though this year has been controlled not by another person but by a thing. A thing that has no conscience, no intelligence, and no purpose other than to be in our way.
I was lucky enough to travel home for the holidays this year, which I’m incredibly thankful for. It was likely one of my sister’s last Christmases at home for a while and I wanted to make sure we could both hang out with Mom and Dad this season, so we spent a lot of unstructured time together over the week. On the Sunday following Christmas, we got up a touch early to enjoy the snow falling and watch CBS Sunday Morning. I actually can’t stand to watch the show, but my culturally-competent sister has made a ritual for many years of starting every week with 90 minutes of Jane Pauley. So, in the spirit of togetherness, I poured myself a cup of coffee and crawled onto the couch with Anna to see a handful of stories and some pictures of a damn sun.
This was the final episode before the new year so the bulk of the show’s time was dedicated to reviewing 2020 and normally, despite everything I’ve said of the show up to this point, I enjoy their month-by-month reflection of auld lang syne.
But this year, I had to get up and walk away.
As they dove into 2020, month by month, there was an unbalanced emphasis on the negative, pessimistic lenses so many of us have found ourselves viewing the year through. And once they gave each four-week-era its tarnished moment, they wrapped the entire dozen in beautiful, poetic, “2020 has been the worst year ever” paper and tied it up with a “we can’t wait for 2021” bow.
You see it on the news, read it on social media, and hear it in the coffee chatter in the break room: “This year needs to be over.” They said it in April and they’re saying it now. People have had to adapt, adjust, overcome, and throw their plans to the mercy of the COVID monster. For a couple of weeks now I’ve seen people shut down and go into mental hibernation as they wait for the savior, the two thousandth and twenty-first year to grace us with its presence, and if we can “just make it through these next few months we can get on with our lives.”
Folks, December 31st is just a few days away and 2021 is approaching quickly. But when the clock strikes midnight we blast our party horns with our friends over FaceTime the calendar may as well say December 32nd, 2020 because what is really going to change? What is January 1st, 2021 going to bring that December 31st, 2020 could not?
I won’t argue with you that this year has been freaky. We’ve all been tested in ways we could not have anticipated and have been forced to pivot like we’re perpetually moving a couch up to Ross Geller’s apartment. And for business owners, essential workers, and those in long-term care facilities it’s been nothing short of a nightmare. But for the rest of us? The college students, 9-5’ers, and most everything in between? This year has been different. That is all.
This year has been difficult, sure. But I socially-distanced, pinky-promise you that a year of Zoom meetings, school from home, canceling vacations, adjusting routines, and washing your hands more often is not the most difficult thing you will ever have to tackle. To think that it is would be nothing short of a lie to yourself. And if you’re using “this crazy year” as an excuse for your bad habits or bad attitude, you are a part of a pandemic that is far more dangerous than COVID-19.
I might be a little abrasive when compared to those messages of kumbaya we’ve been hearing since mid-March, but I think these thoughts are worth sharing and for good reason, too. I fear for all the people taking to Facebook with their countdowns to 2021 who wake up the morning after New Year’s Eve to a day that may as well be December 32nd. Then December 33rd. And the 34th and beyond, because 2021 didn’t magically make everything that made 2020 challenging go away. It’s those people, who have put all of their eggs in the basket of “next year will be better”, that will suddenly realize that they’ve wasted the 365 days that 2020 had gifted them.
2020 was unique, but it wasn’t a waste. Did you let time decay this year?
It’s never been easier to say “maybe next year,” and I’ll be the first to admit that I had my fair share of days where I was pretty much useless, especially at the beginning of it all. I missed my last few weeks of work at my college job with my beloved co-workers and boss. My commencement was canceled and I didn’t have the opportunity to say goodbye to some of the most incredible classmates and staff. There were many days where I felt so, so lonely and I plunked myself into a new life amid a global pandemic. This year has very much been a challenge for me, too, which I know may sound contrary to every other point I’ve made.
But this year has not been a linear, downward trend. There have been a lot of highs since March, too, and once I realized that these were the circumstances we’d been dealt it was much easier for me to shape this year into something I could be proud of. I was able to take a breather for the last couple of months of college that I didn’t realize I needed until I slept for 12 hours straight one of the first nights of “lockdown.” I picked up books I hadn’t touched since I bought them. I wrote letters to people I loved. Fixed up and moved into a house of my own. Celebrated a final six weeks of college course work that ended up hardly feeling like work at all (not to mention, open note final exams..). I explored new places and put a couple of thousand miles on my truck seeing the sights of the state. Boredom nudged me into making the time to write for this blog again. And when the world shut down and I got lonely, I was “situationally forced” to spend time with the few acquaintances that were nearby, out of which I gained a couple of incredibly strong friends that I now can’t imagine doing life without.
You don’t have to have a long lockdown resume of cookies and craft projects to validate how you spent your time in 2020. But what do you do if you’re looking back at the last 12 months, realizing you’ve wasted your year? I’m begging you to take the bull by the horns and strike the block of 2021 with ambition and an obligation to do the most with your time. On December 32nd, the only thing that can change is you. Are you going to let another day, another month, or year slip away from you without at least putting up a fight?
You are allowed to be angry at this year. Get mad as hell if you’d like, but don’t let all the challenges you’ve overcome this year be in vain. In a year as unforgettable as 2020, I’d hate for those feelings of bitterness to be the ones tied to it in your memory. My mother always told me to never wish time away, and if we’ve ever been reminded of that it has been in this year. On December 32nd the only thing that will change is the date we write on our checks- Coronavirus and the other monsters under your bed will still be there. The trajectory, attitude, and result of this year will be largely determined by your actions and reactions. Making 2021 the better year it has been pressured to be is all up to you. Are you ready to make sure you savor every moment in 2021?
As a little “Year in Review”, enjoy a couple of my favorite moments from 2020!
