I moved into a new house this spring. It wasn’t exactly a fixer-upper, but there were definitely projects that needed to take place before it was truly move-in ready. I like designing spaces. I don’t mind budgeting for a project. And I LOVE grabbing swatches and samples at Menards. But actually doing all the things? Oh hell no. It’s not because I’m lazy or don’t try- at least I hope not- but when it comes to anything DIY-ish, I’m out: I’m talking painting, woodworking, crafts, and anything else that requires a trip to the lumber yard or Michael’s. The same feeling the unathletic kid (me) gets when they’re up for kickball in PE? Yeah, I feel pretty much the same for if you hand me a skilsaw. I’m naturally good at a lot of things but “arts and farts”, as my dad would call it, isn’t one of them. And I would lump home renovations into that category as a grownup “art” and/or “fart”.
What I’m trying to say is that home improvements can be hard work. If you’ve ever been neck-deep in any sort of HGTV-esque adventure you know exactly what I’m talking about: You start off with big plans, only to find you don’t know exactly what you’re doing once you dive in. You lose steam, do your best, and just hope your house doesn’t fall into a pile of boards when it’s all said and done. Bonus points if no one has to go to the emergency room in the process!
All that being said, giving your house a facelift is a worthy cause. Our homes are places where we make memories and spend a great deal of our time, so having a space that feels like our own is important. A pro-tip I can offer you is to find a wonderful contractor to work with on larger projects. Another Paul Campbell-ism is “sometimes it’s worth it to pay someone who knows what they’re doing” and the older I get the more I believe it. Doing so can save you time, money, and maybe even a finger…
When thinking about the nativity a fact not everyone knows is that Joseph was a carpenter. He made a living building and fixing for others and although he couldn’t build Mary a shelter right when one was needed, his ability to construct or repair was his way of life. Together they had little and he was a humble man of few words. But Joseph played an important behind-the scenes role in the birth and life of Jesus.
I would almost venture to call Joseph a ‘supporting actor’ in the nativity. While important and present throughout, he has very few ‘speaking parts’ that brought him to the forefront of the event. Because of this, it’s not uncommon for people to forget that Joseph was involved in the story altogether. However, we must remember everything he did up to that point is really what should be admired most.
Before Jesus was born, Joseph was just a regular, everyday carpenter. While it was nothing fancy, he was able to use his ability to build objects to build a life. But Joseph was not only building physical things; by his actions he built a life that was more than fulfilling.
When Mary conceived a child he knew was not his governing law gave a couple of options, from divorce to death. Though his knee-jerk reaction was to cutoff their engagement, Joseph instead chose to show Mary kindness, grace, and empathy. And while he didn’t completely understand the situation at hand, his dedication to his family and his faith built a life he could be proud of that could help support Mary, and eventually, their special baby boy.
What are you building for yourself?
I’m not talking about individual accomplishments or achievements you’re working towards. Anyone can set a SMART goal, but what does it matter if it does not contribute to the larger picture? Imagine you are the person who can run in circles the fastest- That’s all fine and dandy, but what does running in circles accomplish, even if you are the fastest circle-runner there is?
I think a better question to ask yourself is what wholistic framework are you establishing right now- mind, body, and spirit? Financially? Relationships with others? Relationship with God? Sometimes we can get so caught up in the fine-print details of our ambitions that we forget the point all together. We spend so much time worrying about if our SMART goals are smart enough that we lose sight of the purpose for setting the goal in the first place.
We live in a metrics-driven world. To decide if something has been successful or not we judge by how many clicks or likes we’ve received. How many sales we’ve made. I’m guilty of this with the blog, and I constantly find myself checking a new post many times in the days after it’s published to see if I’m satisfied with the number of views it’s gotten. In the case of the blog, I know (to a point) exactly what types of posts will do well and which will get higher engagement. It’s just the nature of someone who works in communications. But writing clickable posts just for the sake of being clickable is not something that makes me proud. I don’t look back on those kinds of posts (and there are some of them on this website) and feel good about hitting publish.
When we start building something- a business, a hobby, a new routine- we can often forget that the process of building takes time. I’ve found that it’s helpful to view anything you want to build in the long term as a spectrum, rather than a linear process. With the blog, I know there will never be a day where I write a final post and say “this is the best there has been and the best there will be.” My writing is a constant push and pull of loving everything I start writing and hating everything I publish. There are days where I want to quit my job and write a book and others where I want to just delete this website from the internet all together.
But I think that’s just it about “building” these things we want to be proud of. It’s not just a start and finish line, with check points along the way. “Did I meet this goal? Did I meet that goal?” Building a life, anything you’re proud of is a little more like playing Monopoly. Your perceived success in the building process comes and goes in cycles, but you’re constantly reminded of what you’re working towards every time you pass “GO”.
So I ask again, what are you building for yourself? When you’re 83 years old looking over the balcony at your Florida assisted living apartment on the coast, you aren’t going to remember how many views your blog posts received or all the silly things you purchased over the years. You won’t care about how much weight you could bench when you were 22 or how many friends you had. And you certainly won’t have a tally on hand of how many times you made it to church on Sunday. But when you’re 83 you’ll be glad you invested in a hobby you loved and focused on being fiscally-responsible in the long term. You’ll feel good about having focused on yourself and on building relationships with people you love. And you’ll be proud of the way you’ve honored your relationship with God.
People always talk about wanting to live with “no regrets”. I don’t agree with that. In fact, I don’t think people have all that many regrets because they don’t even know what to regret. Regrets are usually pinned to one specific instance: You think you regret not taking that spring break trip with your college friends? No, you really don’t. But what could be worse than looking back on your life and realizing you could have built so much more entirely?
On paper, Joseph didn’t do much: he was a carpenter and Jesus’s dad. But when you really start to peel apart the bricks Joseph laid to build the foundation of the life he had, it’s something to be respected. What bricks are you laying today for a foundation you’ll be proud of later?
You want to be a better friend? Start taking note of what you love about your friends.
You want to be a great parent someday? Start taking care of your own mind, body, and spirit now.
You want to work for yourself someday but don’t have the time to figure it out? Spend 10 minutes a day grinding out a business plan.
The daily actions it takes to build something you’re proud of really don’t take all that much effort, because they’re usually such an insignificant portion of your time and energy. But if you want to be proud of something tomorrow, you need to start working on it today. Rome wasn’t built in a day but some day had to be the first day on the job.
I’ve found that the process of building an existence you’re proud of is not one that typically comes with a lot of flaming pride, ironically. Usually, that building process brings a feeling of contentment, as if the world is saying “you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing right now.” Most of us know what it takes to get to where we want to be. What are you supposed to be doing right now to get there?
