I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I loathe the term and the hair stands up on the back of my neck the first few weeks of the year when I ask people what they’re up to and they respond with some dumb, canned, SMART goal they’ve decided they’re going to implement for about 10 days before giving up.
Now let me be VERY clear, I have no problem with people wanting to better themselves in some way or try something new, or give up a nasty habit that they’ve been consumed by. I’m all about that. What really bothers me is the weight put on resolutions: making them and making sure eeeeeveryone knows about them, only for most folks to leave them in the dust. Each year, over 50% of Americans set resolutions that are somehow related to losing weight, getting in shape, etc. Around 50% also are working towards saving money or budgeting. And a quarter of us are trying to travel more or learn new things. Not that hard, right? Work out and eat better, don’t spend money on dumb things, and go try something new. But it must be more difficult than that; Only 8% of us achieve those resolutions set each year.
(Note: There’s a LOT of psychological factors at play when it comes to determination or ditching our goals. They are interesting but this isn’t a psych blog, so I’d recommend reading this article if you’re looking to learn a little more on the nuts and bolts of the matter.)
So back to my resolutions- all zero of them, to be exact. I have intentions and am working towards goals all the time. My biggest issue with setting New Year’s resolutions is all of the waiting, anticipation, and pomp and circumstance that goes with them. I’m a big race fan, so for me it’s a little bit like watching someone drive like a moron before the green flag drops and expecting them to suddenly fall in line with the others on the first lap. And the days leading up to New Year’s are like the last time to go wild and crazy before flipping a switch and changing yourself “forever”. People get excited, dive into the water with both feet, then realize it’s too deep so they leave, never coming back to the pool.
I’ve never understood people who wait all year to start working towards the things they want. The first week of the year, my local gym was full of people I’d never seen before and I haven’t seen any of them since. All of the vegetables at the grocery store were suddenly sold out. The painting isle at Hobby Lobby looked like a deserted island. There’s obvious evidence that the masses have been stalking their resolution prey and waiting for the right time to pounce (January 1st).
If this is you, I don’t hate you and I genuinely wish you the best on whatever journey of self-improvement or fulfillment you are embarking on. But if you’re falling in line with the traditional resolution rhythm, I would be curious to know more about your reason why. If it’s so important to you, why didn’t you start yesterday?
I’ve lived by myself for a couple of years, first in an apartment and now in a house. I don’t know if I’m old enough to have a list of “Rules for Life” (actually, no, I am not) but if I was, living by yourself at least for a little while would be on the list. I’m not talking about just living away from your parents. I mean actually by yourself: no roommate, no significant other- just you.
I don’t want to live by myself forever- I’ve never taken an Ancestry DNA test but I’m pretty sure I have farmwife woven into my genetics, confirmed by my domesticated female lineage and skilled laundry stain removal. But until the time is right for a house full of fresh-baked bread and babies, I really do enjoy the independence that comes with living on your own. I think it’s that independence that’s helped me to work towards goals and feel fulfilled throughout the year, leaving the illusion of the need for New Year’s resolutions in the dust.
When I started living by myself, one of the biggest fears I had was that I would be bored all of the time. Sure, I have some dear friends (this blog is really starting to make me sound like a hermit, so I feel like just I need to get the fact that I do have friends out there), but there are just some weekends where your only company is yourself. I found this to be the case especially when I moved from Ames to a teeny speck on the map in northern Iowa after college. I came from the middle of nowhere just a couple of hours south so I was familiar with the good and bad of living a quiet Iowa life, but being in a small town where you know very few people in the middle of COVID-19? Now that’s a challenge.
Being by yourself in a new place with nothing to do is the perfect recipe for meeting some goals and setting some new routines. I wanted to learn to bake a pie, so I made some pies. I wanted to hike some new state parks, so I threw my boots in my truck and went. I wanted to make myself a better routine for housework, going to the gym, and writing for the blog so I just started to do those things. A few things on my winter list?
· Make blueberry scones from scratch. I’m tackling this one today.
· Try cross country skiing. Time to channel my Scandinavian roots. I’ve watched some videos and know where to rent my equipment, now I just need some more snow before I can go make a fool of myself!
· Actually learn how to ice skate. I went once with my friends in college and it was an enjoyable failure. There’s an outdoor rink just a short walk from my house, so as soon as I muster up the courage to get on the ice with all the middle schoolers who can skate circles around me you can catch me in my skates and on my ass.
My heart always hurts this time of year for the people who are held captive by their own lives. They’re lingering in their old, destructive habits until they start getting rid of them next year, or they are waiting for the perfect moment to try something new. I think we can use other people as an excuse to not fail, or as a reason to not try. When we spend the majority of our time with our friends and family, it’s easy to say that we don’t have time to do whatever it is we’d like to try, or that we’re perfectly content with the life we have. When you’re by yourself, though, you have no one to blame your inconsistencies, fears, or negligence on- it’s just you.
A popular rebuttal to this, especially from mothers, is that “my (family, kids, friends, etc.) are more important than whatever it is that I want to do”. Your people are important, and if anyone understands that it would be me. Still, and I need you to believe me when I say this, what you want to get out of your life is just as important. People live vicariously through their friends or kids and they think they are content, but I wonder how people like that feel when they’re on their final day and realize they’ve lived a life that wasn’t even theirs?
After you’ve lived by yourself long enough, you realize there are certain aspects of your life that will change someday when you share your home with someone else- I probably won’t get to have 20-minute Garth Brooks concerts in the shower, leave my dirty dishes in the sink "just a day longer", or sleep in until 8 AM on a Saturday morning forever. I’m okay with leaving those things in this season. But something that I have learned on my solo flight that I will be keeping forever is a lesson I hope you can plug-and-play into your life, too: If you want to do something for yourself, go do it.
Yes, it really is that simple. You might have to do some research or build up some self-control. You’re probably going to fail a time or two (or for many hours at a time when it comes to me and ice skating). You might have to adjust your plans as you go. However, if you fall off the 2021 resolutions bandwagon, get back up and start again because if you don’t, you’re only setting intentions for show. And nobody likes a fraud.
Another perpetual project I’m working towards is touring Iowa one coffee shop at a time. I love coffee, but I love coffee shop culture even more and some of my happiest, most productive days have been housed within four walls that smell like espresso and steamed milk. Whether I’m traveling for business, catching up with a friend, or just have some computer work to accomplish I can usually find what I’m looking for within the clatter and chatter of a coffee house.
I actually wrote this blog at a local coffee shop, Aspen Leaf Café and Coffee House in Pocahontas. This was my first time visiting Aspen Leaf and oh my word, I have to make a quick plug for this place- the folks were so friendly and the butterscotch iced coffee I was recommended, which so sweetly reminds me of my Grandpa Campbell, is definitely going in my rotation. I usually zone out a bit when I’m in work mode at a table or booth, but sometimes voices stick out and you catch parts of conversations that make you curious or laugh or smile.
An older gentleman came in for a cup of coffee and a muffin, and an employee asked him how he was doing. His response?
“Better than I deserve.”
Catching that exchange filled my cup that morning, as I was reaping the benefits of a day and a life that is better than I deserve. And how fitting to hear that comment as I worked on this blog? Because I think that when we do things to work towards the life we want, we achieve a life that’s better than we deserve.
