When I wake up in the morning, my mind starts clicking in a million different places. I think about all the exciting things on my agenda, or some of the more stressful items on the list. I try to think about the happy ones the most. My favorite kind of mornings are the ones where I can wake up on my own around 6:45 AM, when the sun is almost up but not quite. When I’m excited for the day I do this weird thing where I lie flat on my back and bring both my legs up into a lazy 90-degree angle, then I point my toes and ‘Simone-Biles’ twist my body out of bed and onto my feet (I’m a freak, I know). I tiptoe around the mess of clothes that is (usually) living on my floor and hit the bathroom, watch one short YouTube video, head out to the kitchen, and listen to a few minutes of an episode of The Basement Yard podcast while I make breakfast. While I eat my breakfast I sit cross legged in my favorite spot on the couch and watch the last 5 minutes of the local news- and the first 7 minutes of the Today Show. After I’ve had my fill of media for the morning I return to the bathroom to brush my teeth for exactly 2 minutes, wash my face, do a little something to my hair, and get dressed. Before I leave the house I warm up enough water to fill my Yeti so I can toss a bag of Chai in for the drive and I’m on the road before 7:30.
Sounds like I’ve got it together, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, that’s not how it always is. Let me explain to you how this morning actually went for me:
I set my alarm for 6:30. Hit snooze not once, not twice, but three times (My Lizzo alarm tone was not even enough to pull me out of bed #TruthHurts). By the time I got out of bed it was nearly 7:00, just enough time to inhale a banana, brush my teeth, and dash out the door. I was drained. Why, you ask? I hadn’t gone to bed until 2:30 that morning because I was working on picking up the slack for a group project where no one was doing a thing.
It’s funny, because around 11:30 I had this thought that I should just call it quits and go to bed. I could feel my eyelids getting heavier and my productivity was definitely starting to fade. However, my overachiever mindset prevailed and I powered through the night. I didn’t want to produce anything but the best for our presentation, even at the expense of my own wellbeing.
While this may sound a little dramatized (and it is), how many times have you done something similar? You sacrifice sleep, health, or happiness because (to you) it is a small price to pay to work tirelessly towards a greater goal. I grew up in rural Iowa where work ethic is everything, and to me pulling all-nighters or working on others’ projects before your own are just a badge of honor for your hard work and effort. A Miley Cyrus-kind of “Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop” attitude is how I was taught to approach my work, but sometimes it does more harm than good.
When I was in high school I was uber-involved in FFA. I held the officer positions, attended the workshops and conferences, and was just sipping the FFA Kool-aid. One of the more mature FFA conferences I attended in my first few years of membership focused on the topic of servant leadership, a bottom-up approach to leading others. We went around the room and discussed what a servant leader was, who were servant leaders we knew, and ways we could be a servant leader to others. This became a buzzword term throughout the rest of my FFA career and was the golden status of leadership. I mean, even the Bible accepts this model:
“Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant… for even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others.” -Mark 10:43, 45
Through my time in FFA I was essentially brainwashed into a servant leadership-only mindset. Now, I don’t want to completely discount this method of leadership because selflessness has merit, too. But I ask you this: at what point does the servant serve themselves?
A few weeks ago, I conducted an experiment on myself (cue the mad scientist images in your head). Every day, I promised myself I would spend one hour doing something I loved or something that made me feel good. I spent time that week doing all the things that fill my cup and make me feel my best: I read a book in bed, I cooked a hot meal, I hit the gym, I did some yoga at home with my favorite candle, I got coffee with a friend, took a drive around the countryside, and I worked ahead on some future blog content. 7 hours- just 4% of my week I spent doing things for myself. So what happened?
Well two things, actually. The first thing I noticed was that I just felt better, obviously. I felt more rested, happier, and calmer. I kind of expected this. But the other thing that I noticed was how guilty I felt for doing these things, especially during the first few days. It was incredibly hard for me to convince myself that ‘wasting’ one hour doing other things was actually a good investment. I found my mind wandering to other places during that hour, feeling as though I should have been working on other projects and pounding out ‘real work’.
I was curious if this was something that only I was experiencing. So, I furthered my research and asked our Instagram followers to help us out. I asked them if they scheduled at least one hour a week (not a day like I did) for themselves in their planner. They had a choice of ‘yes’ or ‘no’. The results were shocking to say the least.
Of those who responded, 72% did NOT make time to do something for themselves for an hour a week. Essentially, I’m saying that if you walked past 10 people on the street, only about 3 of them have actually spent an hour on themselves in the past 7 days. Of the 168 hours in a week, 72% of people don’t even claim one of those hours as their own. You can’t tell me it’s supposed to be this way.
The most common way people try to weasel their way out of their hour is by saying they find joy in serving others. We’ve been taught that denying someone else of our time for our own good is selfish and that we should be giving out our personal ‘t-shirts of energy’ on a ‘while supplies last’ basis. You tell yourself you’re going to take one of the t-shirts for yourself the next time they are restocked but when they come in, the demand is so great that you feel guilty for keeping one for yourself. At what point are we going to take a stand for our own wellbeing? When are you finally going to take a damn shirt?
One of the most popular writers of our time, Rachel Hollis, has a great analogy for pouring out to others: Imagine you have a vase sitting in a bowl. If you try to pour water into the vase and pour water from the vase to the bowl at the same time the vase will never get full. If you set the vase down and let it fill first, however, it will eventually overflow into the bowl. Just because you aren’t immediately addressing the needs of others before you care for yourself doesn’t mean you’re discounting the opportunity to serve. Prioritizing yourself is really just another mechanism you can use to prepare yourself to serve others better.
That dumb morning routine is something that makes me feel happy, so I’m going to make time for it. 15 minutes of stretching out my hip flexors and hamstrings relaxes me before bed, so I’m going to make time for it. Writing blog posts energizes me and clears my mind, so I’m going to make time for it.
Prioritizing yourself is not selfish. What are you going to do for yourself this week?
