If you think I’m starting out this blog by talking about Christmas, you’re right. (But only for a little bit, so just hold out and I’ll get to the good stuff, I promise!)
A favorite holiday activity of mine is wrapping presents. While some people find this project a waste of precious time, I actually find a lot of joy in carefully selecting the right paper for each person, making crisp and clean folds, and arranging them under the tree so it looks better than a Hallmark movie- and yes, I move them around later if I don’t think it looks perfect. I even make sure to pick bows and ribbons that match the paper!
In addition to Christmas gifts, I’ve also been wrapping some gifts for mid-year college grads. As someone who was originally planning to graduate in December of 2020 but has since moved my graduation date up a semester, it is strange to me to think about wrapping up a college career in the middle of the school year. When people graduate in May, the world seems to stop for a minute. There’s lots of time for parties and outings and trips to celebrate. New grads don’t start their ‘grownup jobs’ until June, and there seems to be a natural changing of the guard from childhood to being an adult. In contrast, the kids graduating next week have until like the day after Christmas to move out from college, into their new digs, decompress from the end of their education, and get prepared to step into adulthood. It’s a little odd, isn’t it?
Whenever you graduate, it’s hard to not think of it being ‘the end of an era’. While in college, it’s likely the last time you can ever have all your best friends within 15 minutes, postpone starting your day until 10 AM, or wear sweatpants or leggings every day. It doesn’t take long before you’re more concerned with 401K’s than keg stands and are excited to wake up early on Saturday mornings to do laundry and clean the house. For some of us this transition is terrifying. That’s understandable- when essentially everything in your life changes it can be scary and difficult to adjust to. While I understand this feeling of fright, there’s one group of college grad scaredy cats I just can’t put up with- the clingers.
What’s a clinger? Here’s a definition:
Clinger (kling-ər): noun, someone who can’t let go and they make sure you know it with whiny complaints and endless throwback posts on social media.
I’m almost positive you can think of someone in your life that fits this definition. Even two, three, or ten years out from college, they are still posting throwback photos, lots of “I miss college” speeches, and maybe even visit their alma mater too frequently. Rather than just letting their college days die naturally, they seem to keep it on life support until the end of time, not wanting to forget the good old days.
Clingers can be found in other parts of life, too. They’re the FFA alumni that take off work to help organize fruit sale deliveries. They’re the moms who still have their size 4 prom dress in their closet, puffy shoulders and all. The retired employee who still goes to their former workplace for coffee every Monday morning. The girl who still has a sweatshirt she stole from her high school ex-boyfriend.
Clingers are among us everywhere.
This post isn’t to shame or hate on ‘clingers’- I understand why people become clingers. When an event or time in your life is so enjoyable and memorable, it can be hard to let those feelings go. The idea of permanently capping off something that brings you joy can be a really tough idea to come to terms with. You don’t want to completely forget it and act like it never happened (which you shouldn’t), but you also don’t want to hang on to it forever. What should you do when things come to an end?
This is a question that I had never given much thought until I listened to The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman, one of my favorite podcasts. In one episode, she posed this question and began to talk about how she clung to a previous relationship. I just want to insert a short excerpt of her episode Find Beginning in the Ending here:
“Marking the ending of things is embedded into our culture. The parties, finales, celebrations, and farewells are all part of our regular rhythm of life. Even our birthdays technically celebrate an ending. When a baby turns 1, we mark the end of her first year, not the beginning of it…. It’s important to not rush through the ending, but we still have to have one.”
We still have to have an ending. It can be hard and painful and sad for so many reasons, and it might even be all of those things at the same time, but defining endings is important for marking the beginning of the next season.
When someone close to us dies, we have many moments to grieve, to be sad, and to miss the light they want once brought to our lives. If there is one part of the grievance process that I can appreciate it is a reflection on the life of those who passed. After the service is over, we verbally embrace each other with the stories and memories of that person we share and laugh as we look at the goofy pictures we have with them. I am no expert on the psychology of loss, but I can’t help but think this process helps to place a natural ending on your grieving. An ending, no matter if it’s celebrating the end of a life or the end of an era, gives you one last opportunity to reflect and bring you the closure to move forward. Closure and peace of mind is something you deserve.
What part of your life still needs an ending?
Where do you lack closure?
Go out to your favorite college bar with the friend group one last time and shoot the moon. Take the prom dress out to admire it one last time before taking it to Goodwill. Host a retirement party. Reflect on the relationship, then say goodbye to the hoodie at a garage sale.
Treat this process like I treat wrapping presents- carefully select the way you go about your ending, take extra care to fully experience it, and then put a bow on it and place it beneath the tree.
