Stop Comparing Your Means of Fulfillment

“What’s heavier, a ton of feathers or a ton of rocks?”

When I was a freshman in high school, the middle and high school choirs collaborated to host a variety show. Our choir director, Mrs. Washburn, was an absolute rockstar and helped us build a Saturday Night Live-style event with hosts, skits, and singers as a fundraiser for the program. Mixed with the overwhelming number of Taylor Swift-covers (I was in that demographic) and poorly-executed group dance numbers, a senior named James took it upon himself to make little video spots that could play between acts while the crew reset the stage. He went around the school and asked questions to students and staff that ranged from “Why doesn’t the glue stick to the inside of the bottle?” to “What is a Wheeler?”, poking fun at our school mascot which was, indeed, a wheel. Note that to this day I still do not know what a Wheeler is.

My favorite clip that James made for the variety show was one where he asked people this question: “What’s heavier, a ton of feathers or a ton of rocks?”

This video in particular was filled with a lot of funny looks and confident answers, confirming that the rocks were heavier. This went on for a few minutes until it ended with a shot of my 8th grade science teacher Mr. Subbert exclaiming “They’re the same!”

Did you get the answer right? A ton of feathers is 2000 pounds. A ton of rocks is 2000 pounds. Now I’m no math whiz, but doesn’t 2000 = 2000? I mean, sure, it’s going to take a lot more feathers than rocks to get to 2000 pounds but a ton is a ton no matter what. How can that be? How can two totally different things have the same weight?

Stop for a moment and reflect on the feathers in your life: What fulfills you? What are you passionate about? What drives you to get up in the morning each and every day?

Your feathers are your own means of fulfillment. Maybe it’s getting good grades in your classes. Maybe it’s volunteering 2 hours a week at the elementary school down the street. Or maybe it’s simply reading a book for a few minutes each night before bed. Only you can determine what your feathers are and they can be as big or as small as you like. We all have a variety of feathers that bring purpose to our lives. But do you ever feel that your feathers do not have as much “weight” as someone else’s rocks? In other words, what do you do when you feel as if your means of fulfillment are inferior to a coworker’s, neighbor’s, or friend’s?

When I first came to college I was friends with a girl who was a junior at the time. She was one of those people who was literally involved in everything and had a resume a mile long. Being super-involved was not something that sounded the least bit appealing to me but I felt as if I wasn’t as worthy of a college student if I did not participate in every activity that came down the pipe. So I became involved in 3 or 4 different clubs and organizations, as well as a university marketing competition team.

After the first few weeks of involvement in my new activities I did not find that added enjoyment that everyone told me to expect. “Maybe it will just take a month or so get acclimated,” I told myself. But slowly one month turned into two, and then a semester, and before I knew it I had wasted away an entire year of my free time doing things I did not enjoy. I did not take the time doing the things I knew fulfilled me because I was so busy trying to enjoy the things everyone else told me I should.

Do you ever find yourself looking around at the people surrounding you wondering “should I be doing that instead?” We become friends with people who are, obviously, similar to us in at least some ways. So anytime one party deviates away from the common theme others are sure to panic. No one wants to be the black sheep and it is much easier to simply go with the grain to avoid confusion, conflict, or fear.

But as I struggled on through the year I noticed something that completely changed my point of view: I was so busy trying to match the weight of everyone’s ton of rocks that I did not realize that my own ton of feathers weighed the same. Your feathers are a gift from God. I was losing sight of who I truly was as the days went on and I knew I needed to do something, so the following year I prioritized my feathers.

My sophomore year was drastically different. I put more emphasis on my friendships and passions, attended a mere 2 club meetings all year, and took all that extra time to put towards starting this blog. And even though I do not have the structure that the rocks from my freshman year brought, I am exponentially happier now.

“So Emily, what exactly are you saying?”

Friends, here is the truth bomb you need: Stop comparing your means of fulfillment to anyone else’s. The only thing a ton of feathers and a ton of rocks have in common is that they are both a ton of “something”. Anything after that and you’re comparing apples to oranges. Humans are competitive by nature. We loves sports and video games and anything that puts us in combat with one another, friendly or otherwise. But fulfillment is not a competition. Fulfillment is a journey ran at your own pace. My love for cooking, racing, and listening holds just as much value as Katie’s passion for reading, Savannah’s spirit for crossfit, Erica’s love for public speaking, my sister’s dedication to music, Annie’s excitement for teaching… a ton is a ton is a ton.

Identifying our means of fulfillment is the critical first step in living a fulfilling life. Don’t let your perception of your anyone else’s means take that opportunity away from you. So let me ask you again: “What weighs more: Your ton of feathers or your neighbor’s ton of rocks?”