THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE MOM FRIEND

If you’ve ever been in a friend group, you know there are a couple of different titles you can hold within said group, based on your personality. There’s the “Fun Friend”, the “Pretty Friend”, the “Wild Friend”, and then there’s the “Mom Friend.”

I’ve been the mom friend for most of my life. No matter what friend group I am in, it always seems like I find a way to be the mother bear hovering over every situation. And even though I always have the best intentions, I’ve realized that people who are not the mom of the friend group do not understand the ways of the mom friend. So I compiled a list of things you need to know about the “mom” of your (or any) friend group:

Yes, we carry a fully-stocked purse. Kleenex? You got it. Band-Aid? Coming right up. Ibuprofen? Say no more. The mom friend has everything in her purse from Aspirin to Ziploc baggies for any emergency.

When I was a freshman, I attended the AFA Leaders Conference in Kansas City with about 20 other students from Iowa State. While attending the event, I got to spend a lot of time doing three things I love: meeting new people, chatting about agriculture, and eating Kansas City barbeque. Now if you are like me, all attempts of eating ribs in KC end with a mess of drips, plops, and slops. Unfortunately, this “BBQ Syndrome” plagued most of my fellow Cyclones but luckily I had thought ahead and packed my handy Tide to Go pen. After coming to the rescue of Matt, Ross, and Lane, I was officially dubbed “Mom” for the remainder of the trip.

No, we don’t usually want to go out with you because we can’t stand the thought of all the poor decisions around us and not being able to do a thing about it. But, we will always check in to make sure you’re still alive after a wild night. And, even though we will hate you at the time, the mom friend will find it in her heart to pick you up from the bar at 2 AM when she is sober and you… aren’t.

I can be 95% sure that when I get a text at 11:30 on a Friday night that reads “What are you doing tonight!” the next text will probably be “Could you possibly come pick me up from Outlaws in 20 minutes?” After slipping on my Cookie Monster PJ pants (because if it’s 11:30 I’m likely in bed), I’m climbing in my truck and shooting back an “On my way” text. Given that I’d rather pick you up drunk and alive tonight than dead and in a ditch tomorrow, I’m always happy to chauffeur. Just know that it will come with a matching “Are you still alive??” text bright and early the next morning.

Yes, we will push the cart when we go to Target. We will also embarrass you by singing and dancing in the isle. We’ll definitely give you the “Do you really need that?” eyebrow when you put six random things from the dollar section in the cart, followed by us reminding you what you actually came to get in the first place. Sometimes we will even write a paper shopping list (gasp!)

At this point, I would like to sincerely apologize to my friend Annie for questioning whether or not she needs certain things every time we go shopping together. Even though you ended up realizing that you really didn’t need that inspirational, $11 mug from Walmart, I am glad you kept some extra money in your pocket. The mug was, however, very cute.

Yes, we will cook for you. And not just pizza rolls or chicken nuggets. The true mom friend will pull out one of her many kitchen appliances to make a delicious meal involving multiple preparation steps and usually at least two different types of knives (because she has a whole set). This is typically followed by a careful selection of Tupperware to send leftovers home with you.

As someone whose primary love language is Acts of Service, I have made everything from roast beef dinners to birthday cakes for my friends. One of my fondest cooking memories is cooking Thanksgiving dinner for some of my closest friends last fall. We had turkey with the works (including the best homemade beer bread) and LOTS of laughs. Even though Zoey drank all the sparkling grape juice before everyone got there and we got the party kicked off way later than anticipated, it was really rewarding to give a hot meal (and leftovers) to the people who do so much for me all year long.

Yes, we will remember your schedule. And your birthday. And anything else big going on in your life. We know how important these things are to you and we want you know that we care, too. In fact, sometimes we will remember to ask how your Animal Science test went when you don’t even remember that you took it.

So, funny thing about that last statement up above… it ACTUALLY. HAPPENED. Towards the end of the semester I had my pal Tristan swing by to pick up some Christmas cookies and dead week meals-to-go in exchange for proofing my super long and boring soil science project (see above, aka bribery at its finest). When he came by to pick up the goods I asked him how rough his finals week was going to be and he mentioned a brutal swine science test was in his future. So being the good mom friend I am, I later asked him how it went. That conversation went a little like this:

Me: “How’d your test go?!”

T: “What test?”

Me: *facepalm* YoUR sWinE SciEnCe FInAL.

T: “Oh yeah, that one. I forgot I took it. Fine!”

The moral of the story? Mom friends do not forget ANYTHING.

Yes, you can stay with us anytime you need to. Whether your roommates are being mean and you can’t take it anymore or you just don’t want to drive home, we will always make you welcome. We will even give you the nice towels for your shower.

During dead week last semester, I received frantic text after frantic text from Katie late in the night. Her awful roommates were mean behind her back, rude to her face, and she just couldn’t take it anymore. It was so bad she contemplated climbing out the window to escape so she didn’t have to see them on when leaving the apartment (I can’t make this stuff up). For all of finals week, she stayed in the most inexpensive AirBnB there is: my apartment. My place has jokingly been dubbed by my friends as the refugee house when all things go awry, and I am always, always, always okay with that.

No, we don’t mind giving you advice and listening to you when you need someone to talk to the most. On the same note, we are not afraid to tell you when you’re being dumb, whether it’s over a boy or your finances. We are also notorious for giving our advice out even if it’s not asked for at times, so sorry in advance.

If I had a dollar for every time one of my friends came to me with “I need your advice” or “I don’t know what to do” I would have a lot of dollars. To be completely honest, I’m not sure how I became the friend with all the answers because I definitely do not have all the answers. I will say, however, that dealing with all of my friends’ midlife crises definitely prepares me to deal with issues that arise in my own life, so I am very thankful for that.

No, we don’t mind listening to you, so don’t feel bad about it. Whether it’s venting about your awful friends, sharing a story you just need to get off your chest, or spilling your guts about how worried you are to find a “real adult job”, the mom friend does not mind lending an ear one bit.

This is probably the mom friend trait that is most important to me. Listening is one of my greatest strengths (contrary to what my Kindergarten report card might tell you), and I’ve been told by everyone from my boss to my best friends that I am a good listener. That’s not to say I never put my two-cents in (see above), but sometimes it’s just easier to talk your own problems and thoughts out, rather than be told what to do by someone else. We’ve all been there, and it’s very fulfilling for me to be an active listener when it comes to the people I care about most.

Regardless of the extra time, responsibility, or “boringness” that comes with being the mom friend, I am thankful to play such an important role in the lives of the people who mean the most to me. And even though it might take a little more effort at times, being the mom friend is the most rewarding friend role there is.