Yes, I'm independent, and I like that way

A girl in her early 20’s heads to a sports bar after work on a Wednesday night. She sits down at a booth, orders, and whips out her computer to begin working. When she’s finished, she goes home to her apartment where she lives by herself and continues on her personal task list until she goes to bed.

The girl in that story is me. And no, while I know you may be thinking I am writing this because I’m ‘sad’ and ‘lonely’, I actually prefer my independence.

I’ve always been a little more independent than most. Growing up I was the older child, so I’m sure that had something to do with it. I enjoyed individual school projects the most and was all about ‘managing’ my own time in the summers. When I joined 4-H, I wanted to be responsible and accountable for my own projects, even if I didn’t do them perfectly every time. In high school, I found joy in preparing for band contests because it required me to put in a large amount of effort on my own. Solving my own problems just seemed natural and it helped me get excited about becoming an adult.

When I arrived at college, however, I found that the independence that I treasured was not the norm: required study groups. Oodles and oodles of group projects. Kids falling apart right and left. MOMS TRAVELING TO CAMPUS TO DO THEIR PRECIOUS SON’S LAUNDRY. It was pure madness.

I figured some of this was just a side effect of homesickness and would wear off after a while. I can remember very clearly sitting in my dorm after a long day of class around midterm first semester and thinking to myself, ‘are people really this helpless?’ Looking around to see my peers crumbling to nothing when called to fend for themselves was a very scary thing. Why is it that some people can’t be independent even a fraction of the time?

I think part of the problem is that we have been conditioned to believe we need help for everything. Doing things by yourself and for yourself is looked down upon, and the term ‘alone’ is somewhat of a trigger word. We live in a world where we are offered solutions to things we didn’t even know were problems. Combine that with every aspect of our lives being micromanaged by others, whether that is another person or technology, and you have a recipe for dependence.

I’m not saying that am able to do anything and everything all by myself, or even that I enjoy doing everything by myself. I still call my mom on occasion for guidance in getting a tricky stain out and I’m already planning ahead for all the people I want to have over for supper when school starts again. And there is a lot of merit in collaborating in school, in the workplace, and in other aspects of life. But there is also a lot of merit in being able to be autonomous, independent, and fend for yourself when times get tough.

My independence has gotten me everything in this life: many wonderful career and personal growth opportunities. The financial ability to graduate college debt free with no financial assistance from my parents. The tenacity to earn a brand new apartment in a growing part of town by myself. A lovely group of friends who also have beautiful, strong spirits. The drive and means to begin walking down a path towards home ownership before I turn 21.

Independence does not mean ‘without help.’ Independence simply means ‘not dependent on another’s authority’. Maybe you rely on your friends, your parents, your significant other to tell you what to do and where to be at all times. Dependence is dangerous territory; do you really want to feel as though your being is out of your hands?

I challenge you to find one way to be more independent this week. Maybe it’s washing your own laundry instead of waiting for your mom to do it. Maybe it’s paying for your Netflix bill instead of waiting until your boyfriend pays for it for you. Or, it might simply be taking yourself out to eat and enjoying your own company. I guarantee you will find it beneficial!